Dear Baby

Dear Baby,


The thought of you coming into my life overwhelms this mama's heart with so much joy.  I always have known that I would meet you some day.  I also have known that it was possible to love someone before you've even met them.  I realized this when I was praying for God to bring your daddy into my life.  I knew he was out there somewhere, I just didn't know where.  But the moment your daddy first kissed me, I knew he was the one I had been praying for and setting my love aside for.  


Now, we say this about you.  I love you sweet baby.  More than I think anyone has every loved another being.  I don’t know where you are right now but I pray everyday that God is forming you and making you just for me.  And I know He is.  You and your daddy are gonna be best friends!  And me and you?  Inseparable.  


But as much as me and your daddy love you, God loves you even more.  I don't know you yet.  I don't know what you look like or if you have hair or not.  I don't know what color your skin is or even your eyes.  I have no idea if you are a boy or a girl.  But God does.  And that brings me great joy and comfort. 


I want you to know how much we have wanted you.  There is nothing that will every change this feeling.  Nothing you can do or say will make us stop wanting or loving you.  You are so special and were made perfectly to be just who God intended you to be.  


Your first mommy loves you too.  I pray fervently that you are growing strong in her tummy and that God keeps her out of harms way to protect your fragile life.  I want you to know that God is working on her heart right now to bring you to me and your daddy.  It will not be an easy decision for her to let you go so that you can be with us.  But she loves you enough to know that it is what's best for you.  And I can only pray that she sees how much you will be loved in our arms.  


As much as I want to call you ours, I can't.  Because you are not going to be ours at all.  You belong to your heavenly Father and we will raise you so that one day, with much prayer, He will be yours also.  More than anyone in this entire world, even me and daddy, He loves you unconditionally and He longs for you to know Him.


You, little one, are an answer to many prayers, by many people who love you already. And no matter how tired I am, how covered in your spit up and poop, how cranky you are, how much sleep I may miss, how many times I hear the question “why”, how many times we may have disagreements because you don’t think me and your dad know how it feels to be a teenager and how many mistakes you make, I will ALWAYS love you.  Nothing you can do will ever change that.


So, precious child, on those days when this world tells you that you aren’t good enough, you come home to me, your mom, who loved you before she met you and I will remind you that you are covered in His fingerprints.  That you. Are. His.

All my love,

Mom

The ride.

The adoption understatement of the century.

To say that this process is an emotional roller coaster would be like equating a tornado to a light rain storm.

Emotional roller coaster doesn't begin to describe it.  BUT...it is a beautiful journey.  On the ups AND the downs.

I can honestly say we haven't had too many downs just yet.  While we have definitely had our days of just longing to hold our sweet baby and desiring for this process to be over, we realize how fortunate we are to have had it as "easy" as we have.

For the most part, everything up until this point has gone pretty smoothly and we are SO beyond thankful for that!  We know there are hard days ahead along with difficult decisions to be made, but that never changes our confidence in the fact that God is sovereign and knows exactly when, and what, is right for us and our, soon-to-be, new extended family!

And...

We. Are. Excited.

Saturday (it's 10 minutes past midnight as I'm writing this), we attended our all day adoption workshop.  We heard from adoptive families and also a birthmother.  It was amazing.  And it really confirmed for Robert and I both that we are where God has intended for us to be.

With that being said, I want to update you on where that is exactly.

And I think you will be on the edge of your seat when I am finished.  So buckle up...Here we go.

We are now officially in the home study phase of adoption.  If you don't know anything about adoption, this is essentially the last phase before placement.

From this point on out, if you question us about the process, our answer will simply be that.  We are in the home study phase.

The reason for this is that once we receive placement of a baby, we MUST go off the radar for something called the "legal risk" period.  This is to protect all parties involved.

I realize that this is going to be difficult to not shout from the rooftops, but it is necessary.

My advice to you, as I know that most of you are just as, if not MORE excited then we are, (Nana and Pop Pop) is to be patient with us.  If you don't see us for a time, celebrate and give thanks for, and with us, without asking to many questions that we won't be able to answer.  And most of all, pray.

Pray for that precious birthmother that more than likely has some difficult days ahead.  Pray for us and our new addition.  We've never had a baby before and we will be new to each other.   Pray for our family.  This is new to everyone related to us!  Mainly, give praise and thanks to our faithful, gracious, merciful God.  He is good and deserves our praises!

And IF, after some time, you happen to see us with the baby and are tempted to shout it on social media or snap a picture and post to Instagram  please, please, please DON'T!!!  Wait for us to say "go". If you aren't sure, ask us!  We will be happy to tell you where we are in that critical period.

So there you have it.

I know.  Just enough information to know just how close we really are and make you want more.  Trust me.  We feel it too!  Knowing that we could possibly be a couple months away from seeing that sweet face is torture.  But again, when all this started, God asked us to stay and wait.  So that's what we will continue to do until He says "it's time".

And when He does, oh, I can only imagine.

In the meantime, can I ask you to continue to pray and share???  Also, please continue to share our fundraising website!  We are completely trusting that God will provide what we need!  You can access that here.

Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem to encompass how grateful Robert and I really are toward all of our supporters!  Just know how much we love you and thank God for each of you!

Much love.

The Mayfields x2...soon to be 3:)

Though you slay me.

Robert and I LOVE music and we ofen look for songs that are meaningful to us and our daily walk with Christ.  This song gets me through some of my hardest days and I pray that God will use it in your life also if you are going through struggles.  Listen to John Piper's message in the middle.  It's powerful and comforting.  God is good.  And He is faithful in every aspect of life.  Praise Him.  Bless His name.  Sing to Him.  After all, He died on a cross for YOU!!!!



"Though tonight I'm crying out, let this cup pass from me now. You're still more than I need. You're enough for me. Though you slay me, yet I will praise you.  Though you take from me, I will bless your name.  Though you ruin me, still I will worship.  Sing a song to the one who's all I need."

12 But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, 13 so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard, and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; 14 and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.

19 For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, 20 according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me, to live isChrist, and to die is gain. 22 But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. 23 For[c] I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. 24 Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. 25 And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, 26 that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.

-Philippians 1:12-14, 19-26

I encourage you to read the book of Philippians if you are suffering.  Paul gives some comforting words there and in them I find rest and peace.  "To live is Christ and to die is gain"

It isn't funny

April Fool's day.

A day I have been dreading for 2 weeks.

Why?

Because on this day, every year, so many get their heart's bruised from a simple joke that was meant to entertain, but instead it unintentionally hurts.

I'm not a fan of beating a dead horse and I know that many have seen or know my concern for social media posts that can damage hearts of infertile women, but I just want to give a gentle reminder before you hit "post" on that dagger of an April Fool's joke.

1. Infertility hurts. As if I even need to go any further.  Everyday I wake up hoping to miss the all to common social media pregnancy announcement.  It's not that I'm not happy for you.  Or that I can't understand the excitement you must be feeling.  Actually, it's just the opposite. I CAN understand.  Because there are days when I sit and daydream about what it would be like for me to post just the same.  Or to think about how we would tell.  So when I see you post a joke about being pregnant to get a rise out of people, it hurts me.  Down to the deepest part of my heart that aches everyday for that baby to be mine.  Hurts me in knowing that what I pray so hard for everyday, is something that you take lightly enough to joke about.  I know in my heart that you don't mean for it to hurt me.  But the devil creeps in and says "Doesn't that make you furious?  That person doesn't care about you or your feelings."  I know that not to be true.   So I pray for God's comfort and peace to surround me and my throbbing heart.  And He always comes through.  But, somehow it's still there the next day.  It's a daily struggle.  Just don't do it.  Think of something really outlandish that no one would expect, like I'm moving to an exotic island for a job offer.  Just please, please, please stay away from anything that involves growing a human life inside of you.

2. Loss.  It's a little word we all wish we could avoid.  But unfortunately,  it can't be avoided.  Everyday there are couples who miscarry, have a stillbirth, find that the excitement of their pregnancy is going to come to a screeching halt because their baby has a disease or genetic malfunction that is not compatible with life, and on and on and on.  Don't believe me?  Come job shadow me one day.  And that's just one labor and delivery unit.  Think about all the same units across the world.  And wouldn't you feel terrible if the same day that someone, who just isn't ready to talk, but knows it needs to be told, posts on a social media site their heartbreak, only to see your "joke" of a pregnancy announcement.  Is it worth it?

3. Some people DO use social media for serious matters.  I see it everyday.  Pictures of kids and families, graduation announcements, announcement of births, deaths and everything in between, requests for prayer, excitement over new jobs and so on.  Yes social media is meant to be fun.  But it is also a way for others to communicate to the masses of serious matters and about life in general.  That's serious to me!  I wanna celebrate with you and grieve with you and pray for you all at the same time if need be.  And if it weren't for social media, most of those things would never be shared.  Not to long ago I saw this on Facebook: 

"Wow...I can't believe people take that "game" so seriously...people that take fb too seriously don't need to be on fb if things like this hurt their feelings.  And that my friend...is my opinion :D"

Tears streamed down my face after reading this.  Not because it was a friend who wrote it.  In all honesty, I didn't even know the person.  But it hurt.  And it made me hurt for others that would read it also.  If you post pictures of your family or even of yourself, then you are using social media in a serious matter.  If you write anything about your life, job, family, kids, loss, suffering or prayer needs on social media, then you are using it in a serious way.  Why?  Because those ARE serious things.  Just be careful and be conscious.  And that my friends...is my opinion.

So there you have it.  Just a few reasons why you shouldn't do it.  You may read this and think I'm the most ridiculous person on the face of this planet.  And that's okay.  But the fact is, if you haven't experienced what I'm going through in life or vice versa, how can you or I say it doesn't hurt.  You can't.

My prayer is that none of you reading this CAN ever know what I'm going through.  Because that would mean that you too feel as I do some days.  And that hurts me for you.  But I know that it's simply impossible for everyone reading this to have no problems with conceiving, or losing a child or baby.  So today my prayer is for all of you that ARE struggling with infertility, loss or failed adoption.  May God be with you on this silly day of "harmless" jokes and pranks.

Today, try and be a blessing to someone who needs it.  Stand up for those that you know may be hurt because of the above stated things.  Even if it isn't you, yourself.  Sometimes just a gentle reminder is all it takes.

With much love my friends,

Jen

7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7